Volume 15 - Issue 11
Nov 2017
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Posted on: Nov 28, 2017

 

Holding on to HIM

Meera (Germany)

My name is Anaya. I was born and raised up in a small town in South India.  My grandfather was an ardent devotee of Sri Sathya Sai Baba. He was a strict disciplinarian and made it a point to see that all his kids and grandchildren too follow the same path. He kept on saying that because of some good fortunes in our past lives, we are able to experience the love and grace of Sai Baba. My grandmother too was an ardent devotee and she loved singing bhajans. As a routine practice, bhajans were a part of our daily life. Our entire family addressed Sri Sathya Sai Baba as Swami. All my other cousins too continued the same culture at home. None of us ever questioned anyone why we are supposed to believe or worship Sri Sathya Sai Baba. Our family was religious, but at the same time more conservative and had set their own principles.

I, grew up building lots of dreams in my eyes. I loved singing and had great liking for bhajans. We sang Bhajans everyday at home without knowing its inner significance; for me it was a part of daily life. I too worshipped Swami just because my parents worshipped him. One day when I was in my 8th standard, our teacher taught us about Mother Teresa. In my textbook, it was mentioned “If nobody takes care of you God will take care of you”. This statement imprinted forever in my memory. My life continued as usual. I had developed a practice of talking to Swami whenever I felt lonely. Swami for me was a friend, a talking partner. I did not expect anything from him in return, as I had a feeling that he would not respond. Prayers for me were always a one way communication. I always felt we supposed to pray to God because our parents taught us. It was kind of  blind faith, in order to pay respect to my parents. This continued for years until I was 23 years old. Now, it was the time for me to get married.

One fine day my marriage was fixed and all the arrangements were made. As a part of our ritual, my parents decided to invite Swami for my wedding. So we all went to Parthi to invite Swami for the grand wedding. My father was holding a card with him, my uncle was with another card towards the gent’s side, and me and my mother were with the third card and were seated in the ladies section of the Sai Kulwant hall. Fortunately, we were permitted to sit in the first row by the volunteers on special request. Swami arrived on his wheel chair for the morning darshan. But as usual, when somebody has something to offer, he always changes his route. He did the same thing that day and changed his direction and moved in the opposite way. After the darshan were over, he left. None of us were able to hand over the invitation card to Swami.

In the evening, the same process continued. All of us were seated with our cards. This was the last chance given to me and my mother to sit in the first row. All the devotees were waiting for Swami to arrive. As the clock struck 5, Swami came out of Yajur Mandir, on his wheel chair. He headed straight towards me, looked at me and moved further. My mother tried to offer Swami the invitation card, but he looked at the other end. We were not able to hand over the wedding card. He then took letters from other devotees and gently moved towards the gents section. The ladies seated here were not able to see what was going on the other end. The bhajans commenced, and he sat on the portico. While the bhajans were going on, he started to read the letters. The first one that Swami picked was the invitation card which he took from my uncle. He lifted the card showing it to the whole crowd gathered in the hall. It looked as if he wanted to acknowledge me that, he has received the invitation and would be present for my wedding. All the ladies sitting next to me were also happy to see Swami holding the card and reading through it. I too felt happy, but I did not think much about it.  The next day we returned to our homes and carried on with other wedding preparations. Finally the wedding day had arrived. I was dressed in a new and gorgeous bridal outfit, I entered the prayer room, asked for his blessings and moved to the wedding hall with my parents and totally forgot about Swami. But he did not forget me; he always has different plans for each one of us. I too did not realize this until I experienced his hands in each and everything I did, after my wedding.

On the fifth day after our wedding we happen to visit our deity that belonged to our clan in Goa. On our way to Goa my in-laws insisted on visiting some Guru who lived nearby. When we reached there, the Guru started giving discourses, but I felt he was kind of little rude and I started to sob all of a sudden. I could not stop my tears. I remembered Swami at once and said “Oh Swami now that I am married, and none of them, here in this new house, believe you. Is it that I will have to forget you or stop worshipping you? I miss you Swami. Please be with me, O Lord”.  I feel completely lost in this new world; new people, new things and now new God. I do not want to follow some other Guru. Only I could do was pray to Swami. My husband saw me crying, but did not understand the reason behind it. In the beginning, I tried to tell about Swami to my in-laws, but none of them seemed interested in listening to me. So I stopped at once.

When we returned back from Goa, the very next day,  me and my husband went to Coorg. To my utter surprise, I found that each day during our travel I could see Swami in one way or the other, either in the form of photographs, posters, banners, etc. I could not believe it, I told this to my husband, “Did you notice Swami is following us wherever we go”? He too noticed it, but just neglected as it could be a matter of coincidence.

When we reached back home we had to immediately go to my maternal house for yet another custom practised after the wedding. When we went there, one of our distant family friend happen to come home. One seeing me, he recollected an incident and started narrating what his wife had experienced on our wedding day. He said, he had come to my wedding along with his wife in the morning. After the wedding was over they went home and had their dinner and went to sleep. The next day when his wife woke up she started telling him what she had seen in her dream the previous night. His wife saw, that Swami had come to our wedding; he was present right from the beginning of all the rituals. He was with me and my husband all throughout, blessed both of us and left after the wedding was over. He said, he was so surprised to listen to his wife’s dream because, his wife has never seen Swami before and she is also not his devotee. Then how could she get such a clear vision about our marriage. She does not know me either. I too was astonished and started getting goose bumps; I could not believe my ears. I could see and feel him everywhere. His presence was seen everywhere, wherever I went and whatever I did. This dream reminded my of the day when Swami took my wedding card and assured to be with me all throughout. But this did not end here. Many a times I just thought that this could be a coincidence even when the indications were so clear. I did not bother much. It was like he was knocking at my door and I am not ready to open the doors for him.

When I was pregnant, I started reading the holy book Sai Satcharitra. A thought just entered my mind and I wished, I had a baby boy and he has to be born on a Thursday and on 9th. As a child, I always had a feeling that 9 is always lucky because Swami’s car's registration number plate was most of the times 9. After I completed my first trimester, the doctor said the baby would be born on August 16th. I came home and looked at the calendar. In the year 2009, August 16th fell on a Sunday, so both the Date and the Day were ruled out as there was no chance that the baby would be born on these days, as wished. I just forgot about this matter and moved on. Swami always knows what we want. We never understand his Divine will and his calculations. As my delivery date was approaching I was supposed to go to my maternal house. My husband dropped me at my mother’s house in the month of May. Everything was going normal, all my reports were normal and I was relaxed.

One fine morning as I woke up from my bed, I immediately rushed to the washroom. There was a rupture in my amniotic sac and I had to immediately visit the doctor. The doctor carefully examined me and told my mother that the baby would be born today as there is too much water loss. I was immediately admitted to the hospital at around 9 a.m. in the morning. There were no other signs of delivery. I was made to lie down on a bed in the labour room. Everything looked really good and perfectly fine. My father was not at home and had been to Puttaparthi for Gurupoornima. My mother called my dad saying that the doctors have admitted me in the hospital. My father replied saying that he was on the way back home and would reach in another few hours. It was almost 6 p.m. in the evening and no signs, no pain. As soon as my dad reached home, he handed over the Gurupoornima prasadam to my mom. She rushed to the hospital and took permission from the doctors to meet me and came inside the labor room. This was possible because the doctors were known to us. My mum spoke to me and made me eat few chunks of the prasadam, and left the labor room.

I felt asleep, and at around 8 p.m I started getting labor pain. I was being continuously monitored by a nurse. After about an hour, the contractions were increasing, and the nurse called the doctor. When the doctor arrived, he examined me carefully, but the contractions were not as expected. He tried his best for a normal delivery. As there was too much of water loss, he spoke to another doctor and decided to perform a C section. He asked the nurse to make arrangements for the C section and walked towards me and made a last attempt for normal delivery. As he was talking to me, and guiding me, in no time the baby was born without any pain. I did not experience any pain, and the C section was also cancelled.  

As we all know, in Indian tradition, the doctors are supposed to record the time, when the baby is born. The time was recorded and was given to my parents. It was at 9.54 p.m. a baby boy was born and lo and behold it was 09.07.2009 and was also a Thursday. If one adds up all the numbers together its sums up 9. This is the divine will and the divine calculation which no ordinary man or science would be ever able to explain. My wish was fulfilled. This was the day when I finally realised that, it is Swami who is holding my hands and showing me the right path each time.

I have penned down few words for my Swami which read as follows,

“Oh Lord,
You have always;
stood by me in times of difficulties,
wiped my tears when I was crying,
answered all my prayers on time,
been with me when I was lonely,
given me what is best for me,
kept all your promises,
been my best friend,
remembered me.

                                          What else can I ask you, Oh Lord?
I beg your Pardon,
for not understanding your infinite love,
for forgetting you many a times,
for doubting  you,
for disobeying you, and
for not following your commands”.

              “I thank you Lord for being so faithful!”
“I continue to hold on to you, Oh Lord, for every aspect of my life”.
“Please be with me”!


As you know Swami, I live abroad and want to return back to India to serve my nation. Due to some personal reasons, I am trapped here in this maze and am not able to find the way out. I want to return back to India, but things are not going accordingly. I am holding on to you, Oh Swami! Please take over and decide what is best for me and show me the way.


Thank you and loving Sai Ram,
Team Radio Sai

 

 
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