In His Comforting Care…

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This is a poignant yet profound tale of a former student of the Anantapur Campus of Bhagavan’s University.

“Love My Uncertainty,” Swami says. Life with Swami is never certain. Swami delights in throwing unexpected experiences our way. This is His way of making us grow and learn; of weaning us from our own limiting, comfort zone; of making us reach for the stars that He has planned for us. What is most certain is that He is our best friend, our confidant and One who with limitless love makes us grow and glow.

Education for Life

When I joined the Sri Sathya Sai Institute of Higher Learning (now Sri Sathya Sai University) in 1982 after completing high school in Mumbai, my mother told me to write down my experiences and my dreams. As I went through my journals, recently, I came across this long forgotten dream in my final year of college. In my dream Swami asked me to chant a verse from the Bhagavad Gita, “Ye Tu …” In my nervousness, I found reasons to delay the chanting, “Should I sing, chant or recite the verse, Swami?”, I asked.

	The ever giving and guarding Mother with students of the Anantapur campus in Prasanthi Nilayam

“In any manner you want”, Swami waved my question aside. I tried, but was unable to remember the verse fully. My friend tried to prompt me, but Swami said “SShh!” and asked her to be quiet. Swami expects each one of us to make our own individual effort and take steps on our own two little feet. As we fall and waver, He will hold us and even carry us over difficult terrain. The effort, however, has to be made by us.

I realize how patiently and lovingly, Swami has guided me every step of the way. Nine years later, I was expecting my second child. My first-born son was twenty months old and extremely active. I was extremely tired and listless throughout the pregnancy. Sometime in the seventh month, the doctors diagnosed that the baby’s lungs were not developed and that the actual extent of the development (or the lack of it) would only be clear when the baby was born and started to use the lungs.

After the diagnosis, Swami came in my dream and gave a white cloth with a verse written on it, “Ye Tu Sarvaani Karmaani …” He asked me to place the cloth on my abdomen twice a day and assured me that He will take care of everything. When I woke up, I remembered that I had a kerchief in the altar blessed by Swami. I faithfully placed this kerchief on my abdomen everyday.

I went through all the prayer books that I had, trying to find a prayer that began with the words “Ye Tu Sarvaani Karmaani ...” After I had read all the prayer books that I had, I took the Bhagavad Gita and started going through this stanza by stanza. Finally, I found the highly significant verse in Chapter 12 verse 6 and 7. The rough English translation of the two verses is as follows:

But those who worship Me, surrendering the fruits of all actions to Me, regarding Me as the Supreme Goal, meditating and worshipping Me with single-minded yoga. For them, whose thought is set on Me, I become very soon, O Arjuna! the deliverer from the ocean of birth and death.

Our Nearest and Dearest Friend

Two weeks before the due date, the baby was born and the doctors told us that the left lung was seriously under-developed. In the neo-natal unit, we used the same kerchief for the baby as well and played the Gayatri Mantra sung in Swami’s voice as often as we could. Swami came in many of my dreams during that time and showered His love on me. In one such dream, He placed His right hand on my head. As He pressed His hand on my head, He came near and bent His head until His face was just a few inches from mine. All the while, Swami looked deep into my eyes. When I woke up, I could still feel Swami’s hand on my head.

Strange are the ways of the monkey mind. Instead of being overjoyed with His blessing, I was deeply distressed. “Why should Swami bless me when it is my baby who needs His help and blessing?” I cried in my heart. I was not very experienced then and did not realize that He knows who needs what, when, where and why.

From that day onwards, the baby’s health deteriorated rapidly and the doctors told us to be prepared for the worst. Every time the phone rang, we steeled ourselves for the call from the hospital. Ten days after the baby’s birth, Swami came in my dream again.

“Swami!” I cried, “The baby is very ill.”

Swami replied in a very detached manner, “What can I do for that?”

“Swami! You are the only one who can save her.”

Again, Swami looked deeply into my eyes and asked, “Why?”

With Swami’s “Why” ringing in my ears, I tossed and turned throughout the night until the phone rang early in the morning. It was the call from the hospital. With one word, Swami had prepared me for the most difficult day of my life. During the next days, weeks, months and years, whenever I was deeply in grief, Swami would come in a dream or send a message through someone to console me; mostly with the tenderness of a gentle mother and once or twice with stern words of a strict father.

The Real Mother

Now I realize that He is the real mother for all of us. I realize too, that we are only caretaker mothers, taking care of the children that He has given us, in the best way we can and thereby enriching our life. He has taken care of our children before they were born to us; He takes care of them while they are with us and will continue to take care of them after they leave us as well.

My husband and I had not told our son about this experience, as he was only two years old then. We had not discussed this with many people either; except for very close relatives and friends who were with us then.

Six years later, just before our son’s eighth birthday, Swami came in my dream with a question, “When do you plan to tell your son about this? Fifteen minutes before you tell everyone? Do you think it is fair to him? For his spiritual growth, he needs to know.” Safely ensconced in our comfort zone, He jolted us out of it once again. In His own special way, Swami was telling us to share our experience with others.

Traveling along the path of life is very much like a ride on a roller coaster. There will always be ups and downs, unexpected twists and turns. As long as we remember that the most important person in our life, God, is right there with us on the roller coaster, holding our hands, it becomes a joyful ride to be cherished all the way.

 

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