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Posted on: Mar 06, 2015

Tamaso ma Jyotirgamaya

From Darkness Lead Me to Light

Part 02

‘Coming Home’ to the ‘Kingdom of Mother Sai’

KM: I see. But I understand despite finding your bearings with the language at a different place, you were still not at home in Hyderabad either. I quote from your book: “I told my parents that I wanted to study in a place where people's thoughts, words and prayers harmonise with mine, a place where I could feel at home.” I understand that this yearning of yours soon led you to your destiny. The instrument that God chose to bring you to your real home was your sister Bharati Devi.

RD: Yes. She had completed her MA and she applied for a job in different places. She got a call from Sri Sathya Sai Women's College at Anantapur. She came here and liked this environment. Swami used to come to the college very often those days. When Swami came the month after she joined, she asked “Swami, can I bring my sister?” and He said “Yes, bring her. We'll all stay together.” During Dasara she came and brought me here and enrolled me in the College.

KM: That's really very interesting because you came to the College and the following year your sister left to get married and move on. But you stayed on for the rest of your life!

RD: I never looked back!

Swami awarding a trophy to Ms. Ramadevi during Summer Course 1977

KM: How was the experience of coming to the Sathya Sai College?

RD: It was wonderful because I heard so many things about Swami. I was slowly absorbing Swami little by little and also observing Him, thinking “Who is this person? Why is everybody calling Him God?” I was beginning to like Swami and also slowly love Him.

A week after I joined college, Swami came to our hostel. We were sitting in the common room and singing bhajans. He asked us to continue singing. I could not go anywhere near Him because so many people surrounded Him. Next afternoon Swami was having lunch with us. Everybody was already settled but I came a little late. When I entered the dining hall, He asked “Who is this girl?” Everyone said “Swami, this is Bharati's sister. She has come to study here.”

Swami said “Oh very good! She will study very well and will always get first class. You people will waste your time. Usually what you do is watch movies but she will study well. I am telling you.” When we came to do namaskar, He patted me on my head and said “Good. Study well. You will pass.” It was the first time I had an interaction with Swami.

KM: You were telling me earlier on how you found your interaction with Him in the beginning a little overwhelming. In what sense?

RD: Yes. When I was sitting in the third row I wished to sit in the first row. So when the next opportunity came I sat in the first row and found Swami's presence so overwhelming. I would look up at Swami and I felt some power coming from Him and entering me. I couldn't bear it and I did not understand why. But slowly after two or three years I was able to bear it. I felt really very happy to be close to Swami and touch His robe and feet. The overwhelming feeling was not there later.

KM: So you always had darshan with the eyes of your heart, your inner vision! What is the picture in your mind of Baba?

RD: The picture is as people describe. The only thing is I cannot see Swami. I have touched Swami's hands and feet so many times. I feel I know Swami as I know you and everybody else. Only it is a little more intense because it is Swami.

KM: Did you ever have a chance to touch His hair?

RD: Oh yes! I think it was in 1980. Once when someone talked about Swami I suddenly got the strong desire that I must touch His hair. I wondered “How to do it? How will Swami allow me to touch His hair?” The intensity was growing and I used to dream of Swami's hair. I wanted to feel His hair but my mind was playing tricks. In my dream Swami's hair was straight; it was not His hair at all. Whenever I woke up I knew that it was not Swami's hair as people describe. Finally after three years I gave up hope thinking I can never touch Swami's hair. But one evening Swami called all the teachers and the messengers for an interview.

KM: The messengers of Sathya Sai, the alumni group.

RD: Yes. When I was about to take namaskar I stood up. Suddenly Swami started talking to me and said “What are you doing? You are teaching? What do you teach? Which class do you teach?” Something told me that I had to just lift my fingers and touch Swami's hair. So I lifted two fingers and put them on His hair. He said “What? You want to feel my hair?” I replied “Please Swami, let me do it.” He said “All right.” I put both my hands on Swami's hair. It was soft and standing on end. I did not even imagine that it would be like that! I thought His hair would be curly and very thick.

KM: I can't think of anybody else that Swami would have given that privilege to, except Mother Eswaramma who used to give him a hair wash.

You are so blessed!

RD: Wonderful experience!

KM: I believe that even when you joined the college everybody had overlooked the fact that you would need a scribe for your exam. But Swami didn't forget that.

RD: Every time Swami came to the hostel, He used to come to me. He would pat my head and say "Bangaru, take padanamaskar." I came after Dasara time in my Intermediate and for one and a half years I was used to that treatment. But in the second year the treatment of me got altered and Swami started ignoring me. Only He knows how to convey the message that He is ignoring you. He may even allow you to touch His feet but still make you feel that you are ignored.

One day I touched Swami's feet but He just removed them and went away. I felt a cold feeling and thought “Swami, what did I do? What happened?” From then on He did not talk to me for a year and I was very upset. This was in the second year when we had language exams – two English and two Telugu papers.

At the end of the academic year in March or April, Swami came to the campus. I was seated in the lawn along with the others in the last row. Swami said “Where is that blind girl who is studying here? Is she here?” I heard this from a distance and stood up. He said “Sit down.” Swami was giving padanamaskar as He was walking between lines. When He came to me, He put his hand on my head and asked “How are you studying?” I said “Swami I am studying well.” He asked “Who is writing the exams for you?” I said “I do not know Swami.” I thought somebody would come and write for me.

KM: Nobody had remembered to find you a scribe.

RD: I did not know that they would've forgotten. I thought on the right day somebody would come and write for me. I felt my hand is in Swami's hand and so nothing to worry about. The teachers who were escorting Swami realized that they had not engaged a scribe. So hurriedly, just a few weeks before the exams, they arranged for a scribe. I was able to write my English and Telugu exams with the scribe's help.

KM: You scored such good marks despite the fact that many of the scribes wrote very poor spellings.

RD: Yes. In English we had 20-mark essays and then annotations. You can't score much. Getting 12 or 13 marks was very difficult. I got second class but I was satisfied. That was more than I could expect those days.

‘Blind’ Faith in Mother Sai's Word

KM: After you finished your Bachelor's degree, you had serious apprehensions about going any further.

RD: Yes. Someone told my grandmother “Why don't you take her to Parthi and ask Swami what to do?” I also felt that I should study more. So both of us came to Puttaparthi and waited for two days. The third evening Swami came and spoke to us. My grandmother said “Swami she has finished her BA degree. Now what should she do?” Baba said “She should do MA.” Grandmother said “Swami in your college MA English is not there.” Baba said “That is true but there is PG Centre. Put her there.” My grandmother asked “What about hostel Swami?” He immediately responded “She should stay in My hostel only.”

He said “I don't want the child to be anywhere else. She should be in My hostel. It will be convenient for her.” We were very happy. Knowing my grandmother's thoughts He said “You are thinking of going tomorrow morning. Don't go. I will call you for an interview.” My grandmother innocently said “Swami, please call us soon because I have reserved my ticket for going tomorrow evening.” Baba said “Don't worry.” He is very compassionate and comes down to our level.

KM: And adjusts according to our travel plans!

RD: Yes. The next morning at 8 o' clock Swami came and waved us in. The way He spoke was so powerful. It was a personal interview with only my grandmother, me and Swami. He was speaking with such power in His voice: “I know all about you. I know all that is happening in your family. Don't worry. Everything will be alright. I know sometimes relatives are not so kind. Don't worry about the child. She is very safe with Me. My ‘Anugraha’ or grace is on her. Her future will take shape on its own. I will guide her.”

He again told about the MA and suddenly held my hand. He said “Be happy and study well.” I said “Swami there is so much of portion in MA and I have to read so many books. How will I cope? I don't know if I can do it.” Swami said “Yes you can. I will make you study.” The coming year I could not come because I fell ill at the time of admission and I took the whole year off. But I came the following year and I joined the PG Centre and joined the Anantapur Hostel.

KM: I guess His assurance must have given you the real boost and confidence.

RD: It did. But I went through an ordeal at that time because someone put a seed of fear in me and said “The portion is so much. How can you study? How will you cope?” I said “I can do it because Swami told me so. There are 300 girls in the hostel and they can read to me.” The person said “No, 75 percent of the girls don't know English and cannot read to you.” I replied “However slowly they read I can still cope with it. I will listen carefully and I will take down notes.”

KM: The text books for the Master's programme were not available in Braille and so obviously somebody had to read out to you.

RD: Yes. I had to depend on the help of others. There were so many big books and novels to read.

KM: Master's programmes are very rigorous.

RD: People asked “How will you manage?” I said “I will tune my ears to their accent and somehow I will manage.” They asked “Are you sure?” I said “Maybe not. I am not sure.” It was very difficult for me. An internal struggle was going on. I told my grandmother “Shall we go back? I will come home with you. I don't want to study anymore. Maybe I really can't.” We were staying with a friend in Anantapur at that time. My grandmother said “One more lady is there. We will ask her.” When we asked her she also said the same thing and discouraged me completely. She said “It may be difficult for her. I don't know how she will be able to do it.”

	During the Summer Course in 1977

All I wanted was one word of encouragement but it was not forthcoming. Helplessly I cried for a whole week but whenever I thought of going back Swami's words used to ring in my years: “I will make you study.” I did not know what to do and it was draining the strength out of me. I could neither go back nor go forward. I had to stand where I was and struggle and find a way forward.

The friend of ours whose house we were in knew Dr. Dakshinamurthy who worked for some time in our college as a special officer. He was staying just a few furlongs away. The friend said that he may be able to say something. I thought “What can he say? So many people said the same thing. Anyway since everyone is saying let me go to him and see.”

When we met him, my grandmother told him everything. Dr. Dakshinamurthy said “Do not hesitate at all. Just go and join the hostel, child. If Swami says it has to happen. Swami told that He will make you study. Then why do you doubt? Why do you allow anyone to discourage you? They say it is your responsibility. You tell them you will take it up and you will join. Everybody will help you.”

He said “If you speak kindly and behave properly, everybody will help you. Why will they not help you? Go and join”. I really felt very strong, as if I could lift a mountain. So I went and joined and continued my studies.

KM: You joined in 1976 to start your Master's programme in English Literature at the nearby Sri Krishnadevaraya University or SK University. At that time it was known as PG Centre. I believe our warden at that time Dr. Mrs. Jayalakshmi Gopinath was very considerate. She allowed you to have a family member for a month prior to the exams to assist you in your preparation work.

RD: Yes.

KM: You did very well for yourself. For the next two years you breezed through your Master's programme. Not only that, you managed to do well in the summer course. Please tell us some of those experiences.

Topping the Summer Course Exam of 1977

RD: Swami conducted summer courses of one month duration from 1972 to 1979. I could not attend all of them because many people said “You have to get up in the middle of the night to have bath. It is very difficult. You can't manage.” I was discouraged and attended only the inauguration after which I went home. But in 1977 I attended the summer course. It was Swami's inspiration which made one of my classmates say “I will take you this time.” She took care of me during the summer course.

The whole month was a wonderful experience because I learnt so many things that I did not know earlier about Indian culture, for instance, the Vedas which have such wonderful knowledge and the Bhagavad Gita; I did not know what Bhagavad Gita consisted of till then. I listened to many scholarly lectures by people from different walks of life and it was very educating. Swami's presence was of course the icing on the cake. During the summer course, He used to interact with us very often and I felt very happy. I benefitted a lot from that summer course. But there was one thing that was disturbing me.

KM: Which was...?

RD: My academic exams for MA first year. They were fast approaching and I was worried. In the morning we used to have lectures and in the evening Swami used to give discourses. One week before the summer course exams, my mind became empty of worry and academic exams did not matter at all. I was watching my own mind. When I thought of the exam my mind said “That is not important.”

So that one week I studied all that was taught during the summer course to write the exam. I was well prepared and a Sevadal member was given as a scribe for me. I did quite well. When I asked my teachers “How to get a certificate from Swami?” they said “If you get above 50 marks you can get a certificate from Swami's hand.”

I calculated my marks and thought “I will surely score above 50.” I felt quite satisfied. Two days before the end of the summer course, Dr. Bhagavantam announced the results: “The first rank goes to a blind girl Ms. Rama Devi.” I was so shocked. Of course I shared it with another student from Bangalore College.

KM: You had scored way above 50 percent!

RD: Oh yes! The next day for the prize distribution I went with the classmate who took care of me. I told her that only she should come with me to the stage. Swami gave me a trophy about six inches tall. It is a model of the Sarva Dharma symbol.

KM: Like the stupa?

RD: Yes. It has six sides and captions are written on all six sides. Swami also created Vibhuti and gave me.

KM: What a blessing!

A Dream Turns into Reality

RD: After that I came back to our hostel and we had only 14 days for our exams. I had to study very hard. At that time all of us had to go through another big ordeal. The governing body members of our college felt we should be sent to the PG Centre Hostel because we were not the present students of our college.

KM: You were studying at a different University.

RD: Yes and we were occupying places in our hostel which could be given to the students who would come and study here. They told my classmates but they in turn didn't want to tell me. They only said “Rama, we are going to Parthi on some important matter. We are going to have Swami's darshan.”

KM: They wanted to shield you from the stress.

RD: One hour after they left someone told me why they had gone to pray to Swami. I felt very worried. But when I had a nap that afternoon around 3 pm, I had a dream in which I was in the darshan line along with my classmates. Swami came and I do not know why, we usually do not stand up, but all of us including me stood up.

My classmates said, “Swami, they are telling us to leave the hostel and go to PG Centre Hostel. But please allow us to stay just one more year and complete our course.” Swami said, “No bangaru, you should give chance to other students also.” They were disappointed. But Swami turned to me and said “I am coming on the 7th of July and I will tell you then.”

KM: When your classmates were in Puttaparthi you dreamt this in Anantapur.

RD: Exactly. At 7 pm my classmates came back crying and said “The fact is that we have to leave the hostel. Write to your grandmother and tell her to come and admit you in the SK University hostel.” But I told them “I got a dream and Swami told me that He will tell me later. So I still have hope.” They said “No, Swami told us clearly that we have to give chance to others.”

KM: But the conversation in your dream was the same as the conversation Swami had with them in waking state in Puttaparthi at the same exact time. The only thing missing was the extra information He gave you that He was coming on 7th July and He will talk then.

RD: Yes. We had to study for the exam with this worry in our mind.

KM: So hard to concentrate!

RD: Really! At that time my younger sister Purnima was with me – reading out and helping me prepare. One year earlier Swami had promised that He would come to Anantapur on the 7th of every month. He was to come on July 7th and so preparations to receive Him were on in full swing. We were studying and also writing exams.

On July 6th night, I got another dream in which Swami came to our college and we were seated along the walls in the corridor. There were two rows with a lot of wide gap in between for Swami to walk. He came straight to me, put His hand on my head and said “How are you?” I knew that I should ask whatever I wanted and I said “Swami, can we stay in the hostel?” He said “Yes you can.” In the dream I could also imagine the exact position. To my far right were all the staff members and the governing body members were also there on the left side. I could imagine the correct distance also and I was thinking “Did they all hear what Swami said?”

KM: It was a concern because you wanted them all to know that Swami said it is ok for you all to stay.

RD: The dream was so clear! The next day this dream became a reality because Swami came at 9 am to our college. Someone surrounded Him but He said “Wait, I have to go to my students.” He came straight to me and putting His hand on my head He asked “How are you?” and I said “Swami I am fine. Can we stay in the hostel?” He replied “Yes you can.” This was heard by the authorities.

It was a fantastic experience. Only thing is at that time my classmates did not know whether I asked for only myself or for all of us. They could not make out because they were a little away. Among the authorities somebody said “Swami the problem is that 500 applications are coming for the hostel. How to cope with the situation?”

Swami said “So what? For Brindavan College 1,000 applications are coming. Does it mean that we will send away our students? I will keep some of my students with Me.” Hearing this, strength flowed into us. Later my classmates went and stood in some strategic places where Swami would walk and asked Him “Swami, can we stay?” and He replied “Oh yes! You can stay.” He told our warden Jayamma Madam also. It was made clear to everybody that we could stay in the hostel. It was a wonderful confirmation and we felt very happy. We studied and wrote our exams peacefully and I passed in good division.

Cherishing the Drama of Sai Krishna

KM: I believe Swami had already assured you of the future and that you had nothing to worry about. What did He say?

RD: Ah! That was a wonderful interview. Swami did not come on the 7th of August. So after a few weeks we came to Puttaparthi and all of us students and staff were called inside. I was sitting in the first row and our warden Dr. Jayalakshmi Gopinath was sitting to my right a few places away near the door of Swami's room. When He came, He started talking to her and she started asking questions. “Swami why did You not come on the 7th of August? We were very disappointed.” Swami said “How could I come? Principal Dr. Hemalatha was not there. She had gone somewhere for some conference.”

Then our warden said “Yes Swami she had gone but she came back by then. If You had come it would have been very nice.” Then He thought for a second and said “No no, it is not that. Actually, I could not find anybody to accompany me.” Then she named many people like Ramana Rao garu, Kutumba Rao garu and said “Swami, You could have called one of them.” He replied, “No no I could not take Kutumba Rao because he is very busy. He had to take care of the administration. Many people are very busy and they cannot accompany Me.”

Finally He probably thought this excuse was not strong enough and said “No no, it is not that. There was a downpour from Puttaparthi to Anantapur and the roads were damaged. So I could not come.” Then Jayamma Madam said “Swami it had rained very heavily but by 2nd or 3rd the roads were repaired and were in good condition.” Swami must have thought that He had run out of excuses and so He said “Is it? I did not know.” Like that He ended the whole drama.

KM: (Laughs) I am glad that Jayamma Madam persisted and kept countering all His lame excuses. He then had to make up for not turning up by giving you all an interview!

RD: Exactly! All through this drama I was enjoying myself because I was very close and I could hear everything. After that Swami gave me a message in my mind and said “This leela or drama was played out for your delight. Cherish it always.”

KM: Oh beautiful! Sai Krishna's leela of one excuse after the other.

RD: Yes. He was caught red-handed and had to give some excuses which were not at all strong enough.

	Swami in the Anantapur campus

KM: What a beautiful memory to have!

RD: I always kept this in my mind and whenever I think of it I smile to myself. During the 1977 summer course Shri Anup Jalota had come and he sang a bhajan in Hindi which I remembered when Swami was talking to us, because there is one stanza in it. It says “Jiski vakr bhrukuti ke bhay se saagar sapt ubalte dekha, usko maa Yashoda ke bhay se ashru bindu drig dhalte dekha, prabal prem se paale padkar prabhu ko niyam badalte dekha.” (In Hindi, this means ‘We have seen the frightening seven oceans boiling by the rage of His crooked angry eyebrows. We have seen the same Lord weeping simply by the shouting of Mother Yashoda. We have seen the Lord change the rules of the world, when He is bound by intense selfless love!’)

I thought of this stanza because when Jayamma Madam was asking questions Swami was answering like an obedient child and He seemed to be frightened. Krishna whose knitted brows could inspire fear in the seven seas and set them to agitation was like a child standing before his mother in fear and shedding tears of fear. So I thought “Oh my God! What a leela this is!”

KM: I know! From thousands of years ago it was being re-enacted and you were a witness to it. You can always relive and revisit that moment in your heart and enjoy the bliss.

Akka, I also understand that Swami gave you a great assurance about your future because your family was always concerned what was to become of you with this disability of yours.

- Radio Sai Team

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